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2/10/07

Assalam Alaikum!  I'm Malcolm Tex, and when I'm not plotting how to carve up the great state of Texas into warring racial factions, or how to turn the Constitution Bar and Grill into a godless, commie-ridden coffeehouse, I'm poring over my comics and comics-related collectables!  And in honor of the one month of the year that the white devil has consigned all acknowledgement of the history of The People, why not take a look at MY sort of people in particular?  I give you....

Malcolm Tex's
Top Twelve Black
Comic Book Villains!

 

 

DISHONORABLE MENTION:
BLACK MANTA

Let's get this guy out of the way.  Black Manta.  Wonderful character design, great Aquaman villain...  But then DC pulls THIS outta their collective butts to be his "origin" story?  And this panel isn't just a clip, either...  This was the ENTIRE ORIGIN!!!

Try again, numbnuts.

 

#12:  Top (from The 'Nam)

The First Sergeant in charge of the platoon that made up the cast of Murray and Golden's The 'Nam.  He dealt in bribes, the protection of an incompetant and cowardly medic, and other assorted acts of ill faith.  Ah, but it was ill faith towards the forces of America's Evil Empire!  So who's to say he was such a bad fellow after all? 

 

#11: Slyde (from Web of Spider-Man)

Slyde first showed up back in the 80's, when Marvel had Spidey in the sleak, black costume.  So you had these comics featuring a white man in a black form-fitting costume, chasing around a Black man in a white form-fitting costume.  The fact that no larger sociological point was being attempted keeps me grateful to this day.

Anyway, Slyde's here representing the African-American Ever-So-Slightly-Mad Scientist.  Do you know the type I mean?  Chemistro, the Prowler, Rocket Racer....  On the one hand, a bit patronizing...  Can't we have one Black man as deranged (and therefore as totally kick-ass) as, say, Doctor Octopus?  But on the other hand, a nice attempt at racial reconciliation, guys.  But the answer is No.

 

 

#10: Bushman (from Moon Knight)

Bushman scores big for me because he's Moon Knight's archenemy.   And he's most likely a Muslim (the comics are annoyingly vague on this point).  And he's engaged in bloody jihad for PROFIT, too!

Sorry, my cockles are overheating here a bit...

 

#9:  Doc Croc (from Excalibur)

This one barely counts, actually, since Doctor Crocodile always turns out to be the good guy at the end of every story he appears in. But then, aren't all of us REALLY good guys deep down, where our intentions lay?  Despite how many times we use bribery, blackmail, or coersion to get our way, aren't we all really just trying to make the world a better place?  Except for people voting for George W. Bush, of course.  Those cats are just Nazis!

 

#8: Evelyn Cream
(from Marvelman)

This guy seems to have been Alan Moore's attempt to throw at least one character into the Marvelman mix that the boys from Hollywood wouldn't have TOO much trouble reproducing for the screen.  He's a hitman and spy, with all sapphire teeth, sent to fetch Marvelman when he breaks loose from government control.  But, Cream has ideas of his own...

As straight-forward and elegant a character design as Evelyn Cream is, I'd be curious to see how the movies COULD screw it up.  I mean, I know that they would, but how?

 

 

 

 

#7:  Equinox (from The Amazing Spider-Man)

Ahhhh, Equinox!  Pros:  Drawn by John Byrne.  Has totally krunk nickname.  Represents inner turmoil of African-American community by constantly changing from fire to ice.

Cons:  Marvel hasn't used him in over 25 years.

 

#6:  J.C. Pennysworth (from The Defenders)

Hear me out on this one:  Way back in the 1970s, Steve Gerber was hacking out the very best scripts Marvel had to offer, and one of them a five or six issue story arc in the Defenders, featuring a white supremist group called the Sons of the Serpent, who were attempting to re-start the Civil War.  In the end, it turned out they were being funded by a MEMBER of the Defenders:  The multi-millionaire Nighthawk.  His financial manager, J.C. Pennysworth, handled all of his funds, and Nighthawk had never once seen fit to inquire into it even a little.  Pennysworth, for his part, seemed to be interested in starting the war as part of a real estate scheme... Presumably buying up slums which would soon be routed of all minorities, then transformed into high-end condos or the like.  THAT'S how it's done, ladies and gentleman.  The only thing Gerber could've done to make this story better was dwell a little more on this guy.  What MADE him become a typical Republican like this?  Is he a homosexual child molestor to boot, perhaps?   C'mon, Gerbs!!!  Don't leave us hanging, ten minutes into our fifteen minute hate!

 

 

#5:  Kiber the Cruel (from The Black Panther)

Another African warlord, but this one's much deadlier than Doc Croc.  Kiber the Cruel attempted a coup in Wakanda, hiding deep within his science citadel, only sending a fading-in-and-out hologram of himself to do battle with the Black Panther.  One of Kirby's better character designs, which is (obviously) saying something.

 

#4:  Midnight Sun
(From Master of Kung-Fu and The Silver Surfer)

This character originated in the Marvel Comics spin-off of the Fu Manchu series...  Shang-Chi was Fu Manchu's natural son (I think) and M'Nai was his adopted son, the last survivor of an African village Fu Manchu himself had wiped out, sparing only the last child when he saw the boy would not cry.  When they grew up, Shang-Chi rebelled, and "Midnight" (as Fu Manchu rechristened him, presumably in a fit of racism) did not.  They fought, Shang-Chi prevailed, and some years later the writers of the Silver Surfer (volume three) had the Kree pluck the character out of the continuity from the exact time of his death and rebuild him as a cosmic ass-kicker of the first order.  But completely mute, because there's nothing to destroy the awesome incongruity of a cloaked man in a slouch hat soaring past the moon to strike the Herald of Galactus like a few lines of Seventies Kung-Fu slang.

 

#3:  Vermin (from Spider-Man)

Vermin might seem a bit of an odd choice, given my earlier hostility to Black Manta.  It was only many years after his creation that anyone said anything about him being a Brother, and, being a rat-man, he really didn't have a lot to do with the Black experience in America or elsewhere.  OR DID HE???

Well, clearly what J.M. DeMatteis was trying to show with Vermin was the inevitable damage interracial marriage does to a child.  As a staunch advocate for the forcible separation of the races, I have to applaud this stance.  And terrific pencils by Mike Zeck as always!  A real pro.

 

#2:  Moses Magnum (from The X-Men)
Now THIS is more like it.  At last, a would-be world conqueror!  At last, a second-rate Doctor Doom!  (Or, to be more generous, a Doctor Doom rip-off of the first order!)  Yes, Moses Magnum had it all...  A legion of Mandroids at his control, scientific genius up to the collar, and a particular hang-up about sinking the island nation of Japan, sparing us all from manga itself.  The only problem?  Well, his name was Moses Magnum and his costume was a little closer to the Dazzler's than Doomsie's.  The Eighties were closing in fast, and there just wasn't any room in Reagan's America for this level of sheer, velvet sexy.

 

#1:  Nightshade (from Captain America)

Back in the sixties and seventies, when Captain America was teamed up with the Falcon, a good number of his baddies were culled from the streets of Harlem, in recognition of the fact that white and Black America will never, ever reconcile with one another.  And the very best villain among these ranks was this one:  Nightshade.  A sixteen-year-old girl with a genius level IQ who first apprenticed herself to Yellow Claw and then broke out on her own spree of crime.  She had it all:  Gadgetry, chemical weapons, robots, a leather bikini and thigh-high boots.

Years later, Mark Gruenwald brought her back and "updated" her look.

 

Before Gruenwald After Gruenwald Why, Gruenwald? Jesus Christ, Why?

 

Well, there's my list, ladies and gentlemen!
Hope you enjoyed, God bless Texas,
and death to the Crusaders and Jews!

-Malcolm Tex

 

 

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