Assalam Alaikum! I'm Malcolm
Tex, and when I'm not plotting how to carve up the great state
of Texas into warring racial factions, or how to turn the Constitution
Bar and Grill into a godless, commie-ridden coffeehouse, I'm poring
over my comics and comics-related collectables! And in honor
of the one month of the year that the white devil has consigned
all acknowledgement of the history of The People, why not take
a look at MY sort of people in particular? I give you....
Let's get this guy out of the way. Black Manta. Wonderful
character design, great Aquaman villain... But then
DC pulls THIS outta their collective butts to be his "origin"
story? And this panel isn't just a clip, either... This
was the ENTIRE ORIGIN!!!
Try again, numbnuts.
Top (from The 'Nam)
The First Sergeant in charge of the platoon
that made up the cast of Murray and Golden's The 'Nam. He
dealt in bribes, the protection of an incompetant and cowardly
medic, and other assorted acts of ill faith. Ah, but it
was ill faith towards the forces of America's Evil Empire! So
who's to say he was such a bad fellow after all?
#11: Slyde (from
Web of Spider-Man)
Slyde first showed up back in the 80's, when Marvel had Spidey
in the sleak, black costume. So you had these comics featuring
a white man in a black form-fitting costume, chasing around
a Black man in a white form-fitting costume. The fact
that no larger sociological point was being attempted keeps
me grateful to this day.
Anyway, Slyde's here representing the African-American Ever-So-Slightly-Mad
Scientist. Do you know the type I mean? Chemistro,
the Prowler, Rocket Racer.... On the one hand, a bit patronizing...
Can't we have one Black man as deranged (and therefore
as totally kick-ass) as, say, Doctor Octopus? But on the
other hand, a nice attempt at racial reconciliation, guys. But
the answer is No.
#10: Bushman (from
Bushman scores big for me because he's Moon Knight's archenemy.
And he's most likely a Muslim (the comics are annoyingly
vague on this point). And he's engaged in bloody jihad for
Sorry, my cockles are overheating here a bit...
Croc (from Excalibur)
This one barely counts, actually, since Doctor Crocodile always
turns out to be the good guy at the end of every story he appears
in. But then, aren't all of us REALLY good guys deep down, where
our intentions lay? Despite how many times we use bribery,
blackmail, or coersion to get our way, aren't we all really just
trying to make the world a better place? Except for people
voting for George W. Bush, of course. Those cats are just
#8: Evelyn Cream
This guy seems to have been Alan Moore's attempt to throw at
least one character into the Marvelman mix that the boys from
Hollywood wouldn't have TOO much trouble reproducing for the screen.
He's a hitman and spy, with all sapphire teeth, sent to
fetch Marvelman when he breaks loose from government control.
But, Cream has ideas of his own...
As straight-forward and elegant a character design as Evelyn
Cream is, I'd be curious to see how the movies COULD screw it
up. I mean, I know that they would, but how?
#7: Equinox (from
The Amazing Spider-Man)
Ahhhh, Equinox! Pros: Drawn by John Byrne. Has
totally krunk nickname. Represents inner turmoil of African-American
community by constantly changing from fire to ice.
Cons: Marvel hasn't used him in over 25 years.
#6: J.C. Pennysworth
(from The Defenders)
Hear me out on this one: Way back in the
1970s, Steve Gerber was hacking out the very best scripts Marvel
had to offer, and one of them a five or six issue story arc in
the Defenders, featuring a white supremist group called the Sons
of the Serpent, who were attempting to re-start the Civil War.
In the end, it turned out they were being funded by a MEMBER
of the Defenders: The multi-millionaire Nighthawk. His
financial manager, J.C. Pennysworth, handled all of his funds,
and Nighthawk had never once seen fit to inquire into it even
a little. Pennysworth, for his part, seemed to be interested
in starting the war as part of a real estate scheme... Presumably
buying up slums which would soon be routed of all minorities,
then transformed into high-end condos or the like. THAT'S
how it's done, ladies and gentleman. The only thing Gerber
could've done to make this story better was dwell a little more
on this guy. What MADE him become a typical Republican like
this? Is he a homosexual child molestor to boot, perhaps?
C'mon, Gerbs!!! Don't leave us hanging, ten minutes
into our fifteen minute hate!
#5: Kiber the Cruel
(from The Black Panther)
Another African warlord, but this one's much deadlier than Doc
Croc. Kiber the Cruel attempted a coup in Wakanda, hiding
deep within his science citadel, only sending a fading-in-and-out
hologram of himself to do battle with the Black Panther. One
of Kirby's better character designs, which is (obviously) saying
#4: Midnight Sun
(From Master of Kung-Fu and The Silver Surfer)
|This character originated in the Marvel Comics spin-off of the
Fu Manchu series... Shang-Chi was Fu Manchu's natural son
(I think) and M'Nai was his adopted son, the last survivor of an
African village Fu Manchu himself had wiped out, sparing only the
last child when he saw the boy would not cry. When they grew
up, Shang-Chi rebelled, and "Midnight" (as Fu Manchu rechristened
him, presumably in a fit of racism) did not. They fought,
Shang-Chi prevailed, and some years later the writers of the Silver
Surfer (volume three) had the Kree pluck the character out of the
continuity from the exact time of his death and rebuild him as a
cosmic ass-kicker of the first order. But completely mute,
because there's nothing to destroy the awesome incongruity of a
cloaked man in a slouch hat soaring past the moon to strike the
Herald of Galactus like a few lines of Seventies Kung-Fu slang.
#3: Vermin (from
Vermin might seem a bit of an odd choice, given my earlier
hostility to Black Manta. It was only many years after his
creation that anyone said anything about him being a Brother,
and, being a rat-man, he really didn't have a lot to do with the
Black experience in America or elsewhere. OR DID HE???
Well, clearly what J.M. DeMatteis was trying to show
with Vermin was the inevitable damage interracial marriage does
to a child. As a staunch advocate for the forcible separation
of the races, I have to applaud this stance. And terrific
pencils by Mike Zeck as always! A real pro.
#2: Moses Magnum
(from The X-Men)
|Now THIS is more like it. At last, a would-be world conqueror!
At last, a second-rate Doctor Doom! (Or, to be more generous,
a Doctor Doom rip-off of the first order!) Yes, Moses Magnum
had it all... A legion of Mandroids at his control, scientific
genius up to the collar, and a particular hang-up about sinking
the island nation of Japan, sparing us all from manga itself. The
only problem? Well, his name was Moses Magnum and his costume
was a little closer to the Dazzler's than Doomsie's. The Eighties
were closing in fast, and there just wasn't any room in Reagan's
America for this level of sheer, velvet sexy.
#1: Nightshade (from
Back in the sixties and seventies, when Captain America was teamed
up with the Falcon, a good number of his baddies were culled from
the streets of Harlem, in recognition of the fact that white and
Black America will never, ever reconcile with one another. And
the very best villain among these ranks was this one: Nightshade.
A sixteen-year-old girl with a genius level IQ who first
apprenticed herself to Yellow Claw and then broke out on her own
spree of crime. She had it all: Gadgetry, chemical
weapons, robots, a leather bikini and thigh-high boots.
Years later, Mark Gruenwald brought her back and "updated"
||Why, Gruenwald? Jesus Christ, Why?
Well, there's my list, ladies and gentlemen!
Hope you enjoyed, God bless Texas,
and death to the Crusaders and Jews!